Contents, однако Unhappy, darling? Unhappy, darling? Oh, Tish. That's French! You frightened me... Golf Don't torture yourself, Gomez if Fester did come back... Dirty pool Uncle Niknak He was found in Miami Now you're back Second honeymoon... Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle Smell that air, Fester So we can play a game The vault! Your first cigar Psychopaths... fiends... mad-dog killers Your beloved Muerto Is that for your brother? The theory of displacement The little black monster Lucky doctor "Scabs" It beats only for you What a lovely woman It's all ours, Fester For you, life is all fun and games This month our theme is our heroes College first What is he, a lizard? Why, I could just eat you alive Bravo! Bravo! Sculptures They're not your family, Gordon The ball The mamushka Banish the fable of the tortoise and the hare Cookies made from real Girl Scouts Voodoo witch You're a desperate woman Tully, take over. Tighten it How Gomez adored you Dear Fester, which is the real you This wheel of pain... Leather straps Are they dead? Where's your costume? Oh, Tish, what more could we ask? Lets go! Short

- Unhappy, darling? - Oh, yes. - Yes, completely.

- Oh, Tish. That's French! - Qui. - Carra mia!

- Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate howling demon. You frightened me... - Do it again!

- Damn you, Addams! - Sorry about the window, Judge. - Keep the ball. I have a whole bucketful.

- Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job.

- Imagine, darling, if Fester did come back... half alive... barely human, a rotting shell... - Don't tease

- Dirty pool, old man. I like it.

- "Uncle Niknak's winter wardrobe" - "Uncle Niknak's summer wardrobe" - "Uncle Niknak"

- He was found in Miami, tangled in a tuna net. - It was just last month during the Hurricane Helga. - The sky, it was black like pitch. The waves, they were walls of doom. - Can you imagine? They drag him from the ocean, from the very jaws of oblivion. - I'm telling you. There were tests, so many tests. A complete psychological profile. - At long last, the Florida Department of the Fish and the Game, they say, - lo and behold, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my... go tell it on the mountains, he is your brother! - Boom! They give him to me at Human Services, and I am bringing him, after all these years, - after who knows what heartache, after the naked and the dead, - I am bringing him home to you.

- Now you're back. - Yes, back. Back to share your joys, your sorrows - Hey, everything.

- Oh, Gomez. The Bermuda Triangle! - Devil's Island. - The black hole of Calcutta. - Excuse us. - Second honeymoon...

- Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle, not even for a vacation. Everyone knows that. - Oh, my little bundle. So much you don't understand. The human spirit, it is a hard thing to kill... - Even with a chain saw

- Smell that air, Fester. Like a tomb.

- Pugsley, sit in the chair. - Why? - So we can play a game. - What game? - It's called... Is There A God?

- The vault! - 2 to the right. 10 to the left. And then around to… - Uh , 10, 11: Eyes, fingers, toes.

- Your first cigar. - What? Come on. I've smoked since I was 5. Mother insisted.

- Psychopaths... fiends... mad-dog killers. Brutes, Fester. Pioneers. Lest we forget.

- Your beloved Muerto. After you left, he was simply a different vulture. He wouldn't circle. He wouldn't peck. That's how much you mean to this family.

- Is that for your brother? I don't think so.

- I believe I am understanding. I can help, yes? The theory of displacement - Is this familiar? - No. Tish? - Oh, it is too exciting. I will explain. - Is it unpleasant? - Deeply.

- Your very own brother, you drive him away. "Go! Off with you! - But then you are feeling the little black monster. - Pugsley. - Guilt. Yes?

- Love. Hate. Hate. Love. Like for Mama. No? - I didn't hate my mother. It was an accident. - It's a very common psychosis. I'm seeing it every day. - Lucky doctor

- Look, children, a new chapter. - "Scabs."

- My heartbeat. It beats only for you. - Listen closely : It says, "Gordon, I love you. Gordon, the vault.".

- What a fool I was to doubt you. Dr. Pinder-Schloss explained everything. What a lovely woman. So chilly.

- Look at it, Fester. The primeval ooze, quicksand, fumes, toxic waste. It's all ours, Fester.

- For you, life is all fun and games. You dance in a graveyard. Stench. Decay.

- This month our theme is our heroes - people we love and admire. - You see, Susan Ringo has chosen the president. Isn't that sweet? - And Harmony Feld has picked Jane Pauley.. - Have you spoken to her parents?

- Wednesday's Great-aunt Calpurnia. She was burned as a witch in They say she danced naked in the town square and enslaved a minister. - Really? Oh, yes. But don't worry. We've told Wednesday: college first.

- What is he, a lizard? - An elf.

- You are too precious for words. Why, I could just eat you alive. - Oh, no, Margaret. Too young.

- Bravo!

- They're not your family, Gordon. I am. - They don't love you. I do. - They're evil and corrupt and degraded. I can give you that.

Lumpy Addams

the Amor twins: Flora and Fauna

The mamushka. Taught to us by our Cossack cousins, the mamushka has been an Addams family tradition since God knows when. We danced the mamushka while Nero fiddled. We danced the mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the mamushka for Jack the Ripper. And now, Fester Addams, this mamushka is for you.

Banish

- Who recalls the fable of the tortoise and the hare - the swift yet lazy little cottontail and his slow but determined companion? What does this story teach us? - Kill the hare! Skin it. Boil it? - Put the tortoise on the highway. During rush hour.

- Is this made from real lemons? - Yes. - I only like all-natural fruits and beverages, organically grown with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons? - Yes. - Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Deal? - Are they made from real Girl Scouts?

- You claim that your son was brainwashed by voodoo witch doctors and forced to recruit others. - Let's take a call. - Hello, Sally. - Mr. Addams, please stop calling. We do not know where they meet

- You're a desperate woman consumed by greed and bitterness. We could have been such friends

- Tully, take over. Tighten it. - I got this stomach thing when I torture people. - Do it. - Again. - Ooh! - Tighter. - Ah! - You've done this before?

- Tully Alford - charlatan, deadbeat, parasite. How Gomez adored you. - Well, not enough.

- And, dear Fester, which is the real you - the loathsome, underhanded monster you've become, - or the loathsome, underhanded monster we came to love?

- Tish, seeing you like this, my blood boils. - As does mine. - This wheel of pain... - Our wheel. - To live without you - only that would be torture. - A day alone - only that would be death - Knock it off

- Leather straps. Red-hot pokers... - Later, my dearest.

- Are they dead? - Does it matter?

- What are you, darling? Where's your costume? - This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.

- Oh, Tish, what more could we ask? - Gomez... - Cara mia, is it true? - Oui...mon amour.

They do what they wanna do Say what they wanna say Live how they wanna live Play how they wanna play Dance how they wanna dance Kick and they slap a friend The Addams family

More... The End

Ну и в тему… На дорожку ;) Родительское собрание. Директор: - Я должен с вами побеседовать об аморальном поведении Вашего сына на переменах. Он только и делает, что бегает за девочками! - Подумаешь, все нормальные парни в его возрасте бегают за девчонками! Директор: - С бензопилой???!!! Пожилого дирижера интервьюирует журналист: - Скажите, маэстро, каковы ваши хобби? - Всю жизнь у меня только два увлечения. Первое весьма традиционное - женщины. А вот другое... вы знаете, я ужасно люблю игрушечные паровозики. У меня их целая коллекция. Я часами могу наблюдать, как они пыхтят, ездят по кругу - они такие забавные. Но годы идут. Я уже не тот... и я оставил паровозики... - Тут все прощаются, прощаются… Кончили прощаться!