KAZAKH ABLAI KHAN UNIVERSITY OF INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS AND WORLD LANGUAGES D EPARTMENT OF TRANSLATION AND PHILOLOGY C HAIR OF E NGLISH PHILOLOGY Project work Theme: If there are children is the better to remain married or divorce when there are troubles in the marriage? Speciality: 5B021000, English philology Done by: Seysembieva M. Checked by: Alieva B.

P ROJECT WORK Theme: If there are children is the better to remain married or divorce when there are troubles in the marriage?

S HOULD Y OU S TAY T OGETHER F OR T HE S AKE OF T HE C HILDREN ?

Many of the 1.5 million children in the U.S. whose parents divorce every year feel as if their worlds are falling apart. Divorcing parents are usually very concerned about the welfare of their children during this troublesome process. Some parents are so worried that they remain in unhappy marriages, and believing it will protect their children from the injury of divorce.

Divorce affects most children in the short run, but research suggests that kids recover in a fast temp after the primary blow. In a 2002 study psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington of the University of Virginia and her student Anne Mitchell Elmore found that many children experience short-term negative effects from divorce, especially worry, anger, shock and distrust. These reactions typically disappear by the end of the second year. Only a minority of kids suffer longer.

There is no easy answer to the question, Should we stay together for the childrens sake? I do believe that, parents of children must put as much effort as possible into making their marriage work. Another words, no parent should divorce without first putting their childs need for an intact family before their need for a divorce.

Nothing can motivate us to better our situation more than putting anothers needs before our own. It has been my observation that the majority of parents who divorce dont seek marital therapy before doing so. The relationship get worse and the solution is only divorce. A solution that fits their needs but research has shown is difficult for their children.

The negative effects of divorce on children that I think parents should be committed to making sure they create a marriage that is nurturing for not only themselves but their children also. Until youve done all you possibly can to make sure your marriage cant be saved, divorce should not be an option.

R EASONS T O S TAY T OGETHER F OR T HE C HILDREN S S AKE : Over the last several years research has shown that children benefit themselves when raised by parents in a healthy marriage. Below are a few of the benefits for children of an intact family. Less likely to divorce as adults; Have fewer emotional problems Are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol; Are more likely to attend education than children from divorced parents; Are less likely to engage in delinquent behavior as teens; Make smarter relationship choices and are less likely to become victims of domestic abuse; Have better relationships with both parents; Experience a more financially secure lifestyle as children.

People divorce for many reasons. If your only reason for divorce is that youve grown apart, or you are unhappy then, you must work on your marriage. With marriage comes an obligation one that means working on the marriage in spite of times of unhappiness or emotional distance between the spouses.

In order for children to have healthy relationships they need to have an example of what a healthy relationship is. If your marriage is full of conflict you are teaching your children lessons that could set them up to fail in future adult relationships.

R EASONS N OT T O S TAY T OGETHER F OR T HE C HILDREN S S AKE : You will remove your children from the anxiety produced by their parents conflict. Children need to have warm, loving and supportive relationships with parents. The parent who removes them from an environment that is highly conflicted and violent is showing that child that they are loved and supported. A childs basic needs include feelings of safety and security. Divorcing a violent spouse means you are making sure those basic needs are met. Some research suggests that children exposed to domestic abuse suffer developmentally and do not form attachments to parents. There are higher rates of disorganized attachment amongst these children.disorganized attachment Children raised in high conflict can become hyper- vigilant in reaction to perceived conflict or threats. Being around violence and conflict can cause children to become hostile and aggressive in their dealings with others.

Basically, when it comes to divorce a parent should do what they know to be in their childs best interest. In the case of low conflict marriages, it is best to keep the family intact. In the case of high conflict and violent marriages children fair better if their parents divorce. Ultimately the choice belongs to the children.

Research from E. Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly in For Better or Worse: Divorce Reconsidered suggests that nearly 80% of all children of divorced parents end up as happy and as well adjusted as children from intact families, so if the divorce and parents treatment goes well, the kids may well be fine.

C ONCLUSION The key challenge is making sure that both parents: mother and father can work together for the sake of the children in parenting them effectively. Such an attitude may make the process of divorce a less painful and promotes to raising successful children.